That club going last night reminded me of her. Tonight I read Haruki's short story. There's a woman who cries in a man's arms. That brings me to the night when she cried hopelessly in my arms. I still don't know exactly why she cried. She was down all day. First real depressive side of her. I still don't know why she had to cry so hopelessly. She didn't tell me why. She just cried while we were watching some weird movie in my room. A lot of things I will forget. Unfortunately I will forget little details of happy moments that I spent with her. Somehow I am certain that if there will be one last thing that I will remember of her, it will be her trembling little body tightly clinging onto mine, sobbing endlessly. Why it is that I've developed this tendency of making big of sad moments, I don't know. I think I've managed to forget a lot of them. But if something persists its place in my memory, it usually is something sad.

I still remember the last glimpse of her, sitting right at the sofa right next to me right now.

Unbeknownst to me, someone appears to have polished it off. I guess that's how it was meant to be. I know. Who would have known the meaning that I've vested in that little nothing teabag. It does hurt me. I am watching my old self slowly dying. Mourn.

As soon as I returned from an all-day-walking-around-alone, the heavy silence that was floating in my room oppresses me like sea water of 2km depth. I've been thinking of her. I'm not sure if I necessarily miss her. I'm thinking of her because she's all there is for me to think of.

Having finished a book today, I thought I should take some walk outside. But the rain was pouring like a horny bitch. I gave up my journey at a bookstore and went to see the beach at the end of the street on my place. Having been here more than a year, I still haven't seen it in rain so far. It was charming, alright. Some gulls were fluttering around too. Looking at the see water under the heavy rain for a while, I was reminded of her again. Every damn thing in this little town reminds me of her. We've spent time together here long enough I guess.

Then I watched 'Tony Takitani', again.

7 sachets of Lipton 'Honey & Lemon' tea, a half-full can of walnut drink powder, a near-full can of men's daily facial cream, some avocado cream, perhaps some shaving cream leftover, a few sachets of moisturiser samples, a few sachets of men's skin products samples.